Yeah so going on week 3, I am officially on my own with the little one. She had an action packed weekend filled with lots of company and her first visit(s) to Shug and Papa Jim’s house. So she was a bit fussy Saturday and Sunday night, which did not do anything for my lack of sleep and attitude or Buddy’s sleep either, and he had to go to work the next day!I am getting the hang of motherhood, but I have also started to notice a new addition to my insecurity level which is common (I am sure) in every new mom…”Am I being a good mom?”
I feel like I need to want to hold her more, or I need to play with her more while she is awake, or I need to talk to her more, but with the lack of sleep all I want to do is feed her and put her back down to sleep most of the time. Is this wrong? I get the impression that most moms want to hold their babies all the time and spend as much time with them as they can. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love her very much and wouldn’t change anything, but I can’t wait to go somewhere by myself or with Buddy…alone. I am trying to get her comfortable with a bottle so we can go out for our anniversary this weekend, and so I can have some extra sleep and time to myself when I need it.
I don’t think I’m awful or a bad mom, but it’s probably just going to take some getting use to. Our lives have been flipped around and shaken up, and once I figure out which way is up I am sure things will start to level out to a new normal.
That’s what I have to remember, things will never be like they were before. But we can still have bits of our old lives sprinkled in with the new. And I have come to find that those “normal” moments of our previous life, pre-baby, are sweeter, special and treasured now, when I didn’t give them a thought before.
Week three is when I was alone for myself with Raleigh too - there's no nice way to say it, it pretty much sucked. I liked having people here and the help and having my momma cater to me! You're right, I was exhausted and wanted to sleep... as awful as it sounds, I kind of felt like I had carried him for 9 months and it was someone else's turn at this point. :) If you're like me, you will be happier if you hold her when you want to hold her and let her be when you want to let her be. That time when they are tiny does pass so quickly, but I remember with SJ and even with Raleigh thinking that people were crazy when they said that - because when nights are endless and days seem to go on and on, there is nothing "quick" about it --- but, this too shall pass --- and the next thing you know, she'll be bustin' her lip on her bouncy chair (like Raleigh did today) lol.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are right, things are never going to be the same... but you will find, that if they ever were the same, knowing what you know now, you would choose this. I can remember crying with George telling him that I missed him (even though I saw him everyday) --- I wish I had some words that would help, but I don't --- I can just say that I understand, and maybe it's of some comfort to know that you aren't alone in how you feel. I didn't get a fair chance at being a newlywed either.
HI- None of us could imagine how hard parenting would be; especially those first few months. We were blessed to have my parents here for back up, too. Yes look in the mirror and tell yourself you are strong and will make it thru this. It's ok to cry too!:) praying.....
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