One Month Down

At 0ne month old, we are finally adjusting to our new lives, baby, mommy and daddy. Beau is learning to nurse very well and she is growing a lot. She is sleeping good at night, but still wakes up at least once to eat. But I think she is moving towards sleeping through the night and will be getting the hang of it soon. She is more alert this week and is focusing on faces more and smiling a whole lot more! I love her little smile and find myself making funny faces and talking in baby voices for a good portion of my day just trying to make her smile more.

As for me, I am getting use to limited sleep and learning to function on the smallest amount of sleep in my life. Which I better get use to it because I probably will be doing this for years to come. My crying has settled down for the most part and I am getting more comfortable with my responsibilities as a mom.

I have found that these feelings grow stronger everyday...

1. My love for Beau
2. My love for Buddy
3. My appreciation for my mom for what she did and does
4. My confidence as a mom
5. My reliance on God for everything

And I hope that they never stop growing and I never lose sight of them even at my weakest moments.

Solo

Yeah so going on week 3, I am officially on my own with the little one. She had an action packed weekend filled with lots of company and her first visit(s) to Shug and Papa Jim’s house. So she was a bit fussy Saturday and Sunday night, which did not do anything for my lack of sleep and attitude or Buddy’s sleep either, and he had to go to work the next day!

I am getting the hang of motherhood, but I have also started to notice a new addition to my insecurity level which is common (I am sure) in every new mom…”Am I being a good mom?”

I feel like I need to want to hold her more, or I need to play with her more while she is awake, or I need to talk to her more, but with the lack of sleep all I want to do is feed her and put her back down to sleep most of the time. Is this wrong? I get the impression that most moms want to hold their babies all the time and spend as much time with them as they can. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love her very much and wouldn’t change anything, but I can’t wait to go somewhere by myself or with Buddy…alone. I am trying to get her comfortable with a bottle so we can go out for our anniversary this weekend, and so I can have some extra sleep and time to myself when I need it.

I don’t think I’m awful or a bad mom, but it’s probably just going to take some getting use to. Our lives have been flipped around and shaken up, and once I figure out which way is up I am sure things will start to level out to a new normal.

That’s what I have to remember, things will never be like they were before. But we can still have bits of our old lives sprinkled in with the new. And I have come to find that those “normal” moments of our previous life, pre-baby, are sweeter, special and treasured now, when I didn’t give them a thought before.